Why do i feel ignored by my boyfriend

The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance. Paul Schrodt , PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14, participants. The other will accuse his or her partner of being too demanding or critical.

The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange. My boyfriend gives me the silent treatment out of the blue and then when he comes back around it is usually over nothing or some comment that he took the wrong way without asking for clarification at the time.

I am currently getting the silent treatment after a great weekend together, but he had performance anxiety and has shut down. He refuses to discuss it and has told me that he has never had this problem before, which seriously hurts. Me being a male who also has anxiety i hope that i can help. One thing he should do first and for most is seek help. See how many times this happens…. I met this guy on Facebook we started chatting exchanging numbers.. I called the next day both phones were of later I got hold of him on 1 of his phones..

I really need some help. I met a guy a few months ago at a course and we would talk at the breaks, but there was never anything more than just people talking. We have a lot in common, and connected very well. After the course he and I, and a couple of others remained in contact. We never tired of talking and joking around about everything. But about 3 weeks ago after I had a few people at my house, he and I were left alone to talk some more and as he was leaving, he kissed me.

It was very surreal at first because I had no idea he was interested in me that way. But I was clear I liked him too. Everything was fine, We continued talking and kissing, it was a real teenager moment.

We smiled and giggled and when he left he was smiling, and I went inside waiting for him to message me when he got home, which he did. He usually initiated all contact with me, but would often not take long to respond to an email from me. Again it all seemed fine, but we both agreed to take things slowly. He also planned on coming to my house one night, just the two of us, so we could hang out. I thought it was important we spend some time alone no sex or anything Plus my two kids were home.

And in the lead up to Christmas we talked again on the phone and email. Everything was normal. We never ever had an argument either. We just really get along incredibly well. By the Friday before Christmas when were emailing, again, all was normal. He had to go but would chat later.

It was not unusual for him to not message for a day or 2, even 3 days. I sent him an e card at Christmas as I do everyone in my contacts.

He messaged me at Merry Christmas and that was the last time I heard from him. I have tried messaging him, but no reply. I tried calling him, no answer. A mutual friend texted him, No reply. She wished him a happy new year on fb. No response, but he had read the message. But to go this long and say nothing? Only posting songs? I wished him a happy new year saying I missed our friendship. I was going to move on. To do this so out of the blue, with no warning signs leading up to it, can anyone offer me some insight as to what the hell has happened here?

I have gone over everything to see if I had said anything that might have upset him, but there is nothing that I can see. What matters is that he has chosen to ignore you without explanation. Whatever his reason for doing this, you deserve better than that. I am hoping that you can help me.

My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We have been in and out of couples counseling throughout and have terrible communication skills. I often receive the silent treatment after arguments and I always initiate conversations to work out the problem.

However, there are times that he gives me the silent treatment just out of the blue. For example, last night I brought up having a discussion about finances which made him immediately angry. We watched tv and talked like we usually do throughout the evening. This morning, I woke up and tried to initiate conversation with him, he said a few words and it was clear that he wanted nothing to do with me.

I have no idea why he stopped talking to me or engaging with me. I ask him why he chooses not to talk and he just tells me that he has nothing to say or talk about. So today, I just went back to bed and slept for the rest of the day. I was so depressed and hurt but I knew that attempting to address the issue would not help things. If he has something to say, he eventually just approach me and say something.

I still have no idea why he chose to shut me out. What can I do to make myself feel a little better while he shuns me. I am fighting the urge to try to work it out as I figure that if he has something to talk to me about, he will eventually approach me.

Thanks for reading this. The big question is what is he getting out of doing this? What happens more, or less, that makes it worth it for him to disconnect from you like this. People only do what works, and this is an important question for your relationship moving forward.

If he is unwilling to change or to discuss this with you, the question then becomes is this the relationship you want to be in, and the way you want to be loved. My long distance boyfriend of almost three years goes silent on me if I cry and tell him I have to get off the phone.

The discussions that make me frustrated and cry are because he will cancel a trip to visit or he has chosen to spend a holiday with his ex wife and son. He ignores text and calls. Each time the days of silence increase. One time 6 days, another 14, another This current one is on day 5. It has happened 6 times over the three years. He breaks the silence to send a text or email that says his life is full work,his sons he says he works for everyone but himself, and that he knows I need more than he is capable of understanding to give in a personal way.

Not sure what he means He says his love is sincere as are his efforts to see me safe and happy. He says autopilot is his only sanctuary. Then he goes silent again. I usually try to text and call him with no reply. This time I have not tried.

Is there anything that can be done to alter his silence? I know I could not cry but anything else to get a different result of no silence? It sounds as though there is a bit of confusion happening in conversations for both you and your boyfriend. Your feelings of frustration and disappointment are valid, but the problem with crying and getting off the phone is that there is no resolution.

The important conversation that needs to happen is about the way you deal with things when one of you is disappointed with the other. Until that happens, the fundamental issues in your relationship that are causing both of you trouble — such as the way he cancels time with you; the way his ex-wife spends holidays with him and his son might continue to cause trouble. What do you need to feel safe? What does he need to feel safe? What needs to change so that you can both talk about these safely and in a way that feels okay for both of you?

These are the things that need to be discussed to help your relationship move forward. Thank you for your response. I know what I do is not helping the situation. I am willing to change my behavior and find a solution. He has gone completely silent. I do not know how long I should wait to try to text him or call him to try to approach him with a possible solution.

The last time he gave me the silent treatment it lasted 22 days. I would try to make contact and it was ignored. I am willing to do whatever it takes.

Hey, I am in the Same situation as you. But then, will it be a mistake? What is your situation now? Are you still with the guy? I know, they never change. But is it worth living with them? The answer is yes he and I still go back and forth in this relationship. He still stops talking. I truly love and care about him, what he does is not a good response, but it is his response. It has been years since I first wrote in and when I saw this, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

My response is to go do something else, something for me. He still goes silent for days even when things are going great.

So it just comes down to what I am willing to put up with. I hope things have turned out better for you. I wish you the best.

Go do something for you. Let him initiate if it is going to happen. Buy yourself something with the money you were going to spend on him. Treat yourself well, you deserve it. Why would you? Tell him goodbye. You can do better. For a very long time I believed him but now I feel like its an excuse. Giving a space is a magical resolution to both of genders. From my experience as a man I have many examples:. But she loved me. She was slingy and very very needy and I ignored her many times I changed my number many times because of her.

She blocked me! The strange thing now that I feel missing her soooo much! I started to try to find her but I could not yet! There are a lot of girls around me and wishing to be my friends but inspit of that I miss that girl like a crazy. This morning she sent me an amazing message?.

She said that she Loves me. Conclusion … We are human love the things that are not available for us! Be cool be calm be rare You will be loved. For number 1 if you just acknowledge her with appreciation of her feelings for you and nicely decline her love, that would be a MANLY thing to do! You missed her because you took her efforts for granted. If you ever find out how to reach her, just tell her the above, so that she can be appreciated.

My name is Elena and I have been having a long-distance relationship with an African guy for almost 2 years and a half now. Even if it took him 2 weeks to meet me after my desperation to see him when arrived in France, even if he would leave me with no contact for almost a week after our sexual encounters and other things, I still went on with it. In the last stage of our story which is only a few months ago, he started to show a more controlling side in his messages.

He would tell me things like if I wanted to be with him I had to follow his way or I had to please his desires. I am a pretty independent woman who has travelled extensively, photographer, passionate about my goals in life and mostly loved around so maybe he was more determined than ever to make me more submissive.

In our last conversation 3 weeks ago, I expressed I had been sexually with another man what felt as if I was burning him out.

With some desperation, I tried to write him from another account but he never answered me again. At the beginning I was feeling pretty ok thinking he was maybe doing me a favour, but after a few weeks now I have started to feel the consequences of the silent treatment I think he is giving me. I know I should move on and focus on my proyects which I have but he is just wandering around on my mind all day long. Hello, I am in a very unhealthy situation.

I married my bf of 8 years and we have been married for 4 years now. My husband has the habit of giving me the silent treatment. And this has happened numerous times before and after marriage. Once a silent episode starts it can go on forever because I also return the same thing for a while. But I usually lose it completely after a certain point and become so uncontrollably angry at being treated like this.

I feel ashamed of the behaviour I put forth. I cracked my tv screen last day. What should I do? I guess the problem is mostly with me.

My mother also was a master of silent treatment and I have experienced it so many times in childhood too. My husband has the opinion that this cycle is going to be a part of our life;me upsetting him and him giving silent treatment and then me being a total freak throwing abuses and things around the house. He is ok with the cycle, accepts it and do not expect any improvement and will not work on it either.

Whereas I would like to have a better life. What can I do? It sounds as though there is a difficult dynamic in the relationship. What might feel like a small criticism to you, might feel differently for him. What is it like for him when you get angry at the smallest thing? Or when you complain or accuse him of things? He might seem okay with it, but I expect it might wear thin after a while. This is an important conversation that needs to happen, and you might need outside support from a counsellor.

Try beginning the conversation by letting him know that you know you can do things better, and that you want the relationship to be better for both of you. Ask him what you can do that would make things better for him. Here are some tips:. Your partner may simply need some space to collect their thoughts and deal with their own emotions. Give them time and work on yourself in the meantime. Find things to do in order to keep yourself from obsessing over the person who is ignoring you.

The whole deal may simply be a misunderstanding or the person may be dealing with other personal issues. Yes, being ignored hurts, but remember that the individual ignoring you may be trying to achieve exactly that. Your partner may have some concerns about the relationship that they are afraid to bring up. Try speaking with them without anger or bitterness. Remember that it is entirely natural to feel hurt and confused about your relationships with other people.

Instead, focus on your own wellbeing and health. PIVOT can help you with that. We are looking forward to listening to what you have to say. Contact us today! Why Does Being Ignored Hurt? They need some time alone Although you probably feel extremely hurt because your partner is ignoring you, you should consider the fact that you might be smothering them. They feel like you want something from them If you tend to be demanding towards your partner, they may feel like you only contact them when you need something that they are not able to give.

If you're accusing your partner of something, then you're not open to listening, and they won't be either. Unless you have verifiable evidence that your partner is breaking your agreements, lying to you or cheating, chances are your accusations will push him or her further away. It might seem clear to you what's taking your partner away from you, but don't assume. It's likely that you're wrong or not aware of the whole story. If there are contradictions or things that don't add up about what your partner says, paying attention is key.

If he or she is asking you for help in some way, be aware of that, too. As hurt and angry as you might feel, don't get defensive. Being needy for attention, whining, or trying to justify being needy isn't going to move your partner closer to you.

Your partner's actions might feel like they're rejecting you, but try not to play the victim and make this all about you — unless you know for sure that it really is all about you. The difference is that a demand pushes against the other person to manipulate or bring about a particular result.

A boundary is merely the clear statement of specific needs and conditions that you have. It can be hard to not act this way when we're feeling hurt and stressed, but it's not impossible.

Fortunately, there are healthy ways that you can communicate your needs. Reliable facts can free you from anguish and emotional pain.

Remembering them can also benefit your relationship. It is always in your best interests to pause before you react.